A Journey of Rediscovering Myself Amidst Motherhood, Loss, and the Chaos of Life
Life has a funny way of turning us into lost versions of ourselves, especially as women. Between the whirlwind of motherhood, the sucker punch of loss, and the unending madness of busyness, I have periodically found myself wandering in a bewildering maze, desperately searching for the woman I used to be. But fear not, my friends, because amidst the chaos and confusion, I embarked on a heartfelt and often hilariously relatable journey to find myself again, to remember who I am, and to emerge as a stronger, more confident version of me.
The Perils of Motherhood: Losing Myself in MOMMY Land
Motherhood is like a vortex that sucks you in, leaving your identity swirling in its wake. Suddenly, "me time" becomes a distant memory, and "mommy" becomes your new name. I mean, who needs a name when you can be called "Snack B*tch" or "Nose Wiper Extraordinaire"? I didn't look like myself, I didn't dress like myself, and I sure as hell didn't act like myself. I was truly lost. But amidst the diaper explosions and sleepless nights, I realized that my kids needed to see a version of me that still had dreams and aspirations... beyond finding the perfect sippy cup. My husband deserved to have the confident woman he fell in love with, before kids. Most importantly, I needed to figure out who I was again.
The Perils of Busyness:
Life's endless to-do list can make even the most organized among us question our sanity. I'm a "doer". I have always felt worthless if I'm not being productive. So, I will cram in as many things as possible, leaving myself zero time to breathe. As I juggled work, kid activities, and appointments, I felt like a circus performer trying to balance spinning plates while wearing mismatched socks. Being a business owner is no joke, and there is ALWAYS something to work on. But in the midst of the chaos, I discovered the art of saying "no" to the unnecessary and "yes" to the things that truly brought me joy. And let's be honest, sometimes joy comes in the form of mindlessly scrolling through the "gram" for 20 minutes before picking up the kids from school. But I seriously began scheduling my days more thoughtfully. Declining jobs that didn't align with my goals as an artist and entrepreneur, not answering emails after 6pm, making sure I didn't miss so many important moments with the kids, and finding time to do small things just for me. There is power in NO.
""Never mistake busyness for productivity. Being busy doesn't always mean you're accomplishing something meaningful. Take a step back, prioritize, and focus on what truly matters.""
Loss: When Life Gives You Lemons and Then Some:
Earlier this Spring, I lost my Dad to cancer. It all happened very quickly and there was so much to contend with. My entire life was (still is) derailed for months. Grief hits you like a ton of bricks, turning your world upside down. Suddenly, you're trying to navigate through a fog of emotions while simultaneously remembering school functions, work deadlines, and where you left your keys. It's like playing hide-and-seek with your sanity. But amidst the tears and snotty tissues, I discovered the power of embracing both the joyous memories and the messy emotions. I had to pause and give myself GRACE. I am learning that healing comes when you allow yourself to grieve, laugh, and even snort-cry at the absurdity of it all. My siblings and I are the first to crack an inappropriate joke when we should be solemn. While I am not anywhere close to being okay with the loss of my Dad, I know that I will get through it.
Embracing the Beautiful Mess of Rediscovery:
Once I realized I no longer recognized myself, I knew I had to make some changes. Some were very purposeful, like planning girls trips, and some were unexpected boosts like having a glamorous photoshoot with a photographer I looked up to. Learning new skills have been a huge part of this journey as well. Photography has been a lifeline for me.
Girls trips have been an amazing way to reconnect with myself. I get to be "Amanda" again, and not just Mommy. I get to talk about things that don't revolve around work and home life. I get to truly connect with my friends on a deeper level, without interruption. I get to relax and recharge, and get all dolled up and go out on the town. I always come back with a pep in my step and a greater appreciation for my family.
Rediscovering myself isn't a straightforward journey, but more like a zig zag line with surprises around every corner. I make gains, and then setbacks happen. It's messy. I'm learning to embrace the messy moments, find solace in sharing experiences with fellow moms. I talk about my mishaps, and surround myself with friends who share my struggles and understand this journey. Together, we've laughed, cried, and chugged the occasional glass of champagne. But through it all, I've found strength, resilience, and a renewed love for the beautifully imperfect women I have become.
Losing yourself as a woman is like misplacing your favorite lipstick – frustrating, but not irreversible. This experience of losing myself has led me to my WHY for the Glamour photography sessions that I offer to other women. If I can, in any way, aide another woman in her journey of rediscovery, then I have fulfilled my mission.
You are not lost forever.. Isn't that so reassuring? After all, life is too short and the world needs more confident women.
It's time to feel BEAUTIFUL again!
If any of my story resonated with you, and you want to take some steps to finding yourself again, let's talk! I'd love to do a Glamour or Boudoir Session with you in my studio. Your inner Bombshell is waiting for you, and I'd love to introduce you to her!